


All I Want for Christmas is You (and to get out of this prison cell)

by BlueStar86



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Christmas, Coda, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Episode: s12e08 LOTUS, Prayer, Season/Series 12, pining and praying, the longing retcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 10:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9067810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStar86/pseuds/BlueStar86
Summary: Castiel and Dean both reflect on their current situations at Christmas. Separated from each other and unable to communicate, this is not a happy Christmas time for our poor boys.





	

**Author's Note:**

> With all the Christmas fluff going around I thought I'd be a bit different and grace you all with some good old canon compliant angst. Dean is behind bars in some secret service prison and Castiel is all alone and very sad (see that one small clip from the promo for 12x09 when he sits in the dark in the Bunker basically crying). He doesn't even get to hear Dean's prayers thanks to (my own theory) that the secret prison is warded against any Supernatural interference, including praying to your angel boyfriend...

“We’ll find them Castiel. You and Me. I promise.” Mary’s voice is cracked and distorted through the poor phone reception but the words still bring a lump to his throat.

Castiel puts the phone down and sighs. He blinks at the road ahead of him and flicks the windscreen wipers up to their maximum speed. The blizzard is getting stronger and he hopes he will make it back to the Bunker before visibility completely deteriorates. His contact in Hastings let him down. So much for the extremely rare and powerful artefact that was a necessary ingredient to the location spell Castiel had found a week earlier. It turned out to be a fake.

He thinks for a moment about turning around and making the journey to Sioux Falls to meet Mary and Jody and the girls. Though continuing his research at the Bunker is more important. He hopes Claire will understand. It may be better if he stays away anyway.

Castiel is losing hope by the minute and he can hardly bare the silence that surrounds him. He fiddles with the radio dial until the smooth melody of an upbeat Christmas song fills the truck. Castiel vaguely recognises the song, a popular tune at this time of year. It takes Castiel a moment to realise that it is in fact Christmas day. No wonder the streets in Hastings were so deserted.

It astounds him how even when he tries not to think about Dean his mind still takes him back to the man. It’s made so much worse by the fact that Castiel has been unable to _feel_ Dean since he disappeared two and a half weeks ago. It’s not something that Castiel has ever told Dean about, but it’s not just formal prayers that angels are tuned into receiving. Castiel, like all other angels, has the ability to feel when a human desires their presence directly, when they are _longed for_. It is extremely rare for angels to experience such a feeling however since it is unheard of for angels to develop any kind of relationship with humans in general, but then Castiel has always been different.

At first it was something that confused Castiel greatly, after a while, he found it extremely convenient as it meant he was able to locate Dean through this sensation. Over time, the feeling has grown stronger and stronger and it pains Castiel to be away from Dean for long periods of time. Dean seems to desire him even when he outwardly shows indifference or even anger at Castiel’s presence. Dean has always been a very confusing man.

But now he cannot feel Dean at all. He hasn’t even received a single prayer from either Winchester, and it is that that worries him most. The Winchesters may be stubborn but in desperate times both will pray to Castiel for his help, the very fact that he hasn’t heard from them concerns him greatly. That he cannot feel Dean’s longing for him physically hurts him. He cannot even sense the boys presence on earth. He hasn’t felt a silence so heavy since the Mark of Cain took over Dean’s soul and turned it demonic. He is certain that both brothers are still alive, but being kept somewhere that is warded against angels, meaning any prayers they send his way would be unable to reach him.

By the time Castiel arrives back at the Bunker the blizzard is in full force and he struggles to reach the door. As an angel he should be immune to the elements and yet in recent years his grace has weakened and the bitter chill in the air seeps through his overcoat and sends shivers down his spine. He sighs as he shuts the steel door and drags his heavy feet down the steps. The silence is nearly unbearable. As he sits down in the library he takes out a rumpled envelope from his pocket. A Christmas card. He passed the shop whilst he was waiting for his contact in Hastings and bought the card on impulse. It is of course redundant as it will never ever reach its intended recipient. Whether Dean was behind bars or not would not change that fact, but Castiel bought the card regardless, an indulgence of a secret desire never spoken aloud. He pulls the card out of its envelope and reads the words on the front. ‘ _To My Beloved, At Christmas’._

Castiel mouths the word ‘Beloved’ and tries to swallow down the lump that rises in his throat. This is just for him. There is no point in writing anything in the card, as the human tradition would dictate he do, instead he just holds on to it and indulges in his small fantasy for a moment.

“I promise you Dean. I will find you and I will save you.” He says out loud, his words echoing in the empty Bunker. Castiel sighs and pockets the card again, before returning to the books piled up on the table.

…………..

Far away, trapped within four cold walls, Dean Winchester sits curled up on a thin mattress. Short lines carved into the wall behind him count down the days, signalling that today is December 25th. Christmas day. Dean hums a Christmas tune to himself. A particularly irritating ear worm that fills him with nothing but sorrow in his current predicament, mainly because of how apt it seems at the moment.

“All I want for Christmas is yoooouuu” he whisper-sings to himself as he stares up at the ceiling. His thoughts busy with so many things. His brother’s safety has remained top priority throughout his stay so far, and his mother’s worry is never far from the forefront of his mind. Though right now his thoughts fall firmly onto his angel, knowing that Cas is surely concocting some kind of plan to rescue them and yet also slowly loosing hope that he has yet to break them free after two and a half weeks stuck in this miserable place. Today he is feeling particularly low, given that it is Christmas and only a few months ago he thought that he might be able to celebrate the holiday with those he loved. Dean feels the first signs of tears forming in his eyes and quickly rubs them away. He refuses to break. Especially not now. Instead he looks back up at the ceiling and prays to Cas again, as he has done every night since he was put in this box.

“Cas… man I dunno if you are even hearing this. I know you are probably doing everything you can to get us the hell out of here...”

Dean sighs and rubs a hand over his face. Praying to Cas without receiving an answer for weeks on end gives him far too many Purgatory flash backs.

“Cas… I am sure you know what today is, what with the whole Jesus Christ thing and all, I guess I just wanted to say that I wish we were all together today. I’m so freaking sorry that you are alone. I kinda hope that you and mom find each other today. Hell, who am I kidding you are probably both kicking ass across the country looking for us!”

Dean laughs at the thought and it brings a warm fuzzy feeling to his chest. Though his laughter is short lived in such a cold dark cell.

“I hope you find us Cas. There are too many things we haven’t said…”

Dean stops as his voice breaks on the last word. He can barely form coherent thoughts let alone pray his wishes to Cas, he isn’t entirely sure that the angel can even hear him right now but he hopes…

“Look Cas, if you can hear me, and you’re doubting yourself at all, don’t. I know you’ll find me. And um… if you need a reason to work that bit harder… not that you do really but you know…”

He can feel his cheeks heating at the very thought of what he is about to say, even though it’s absurd as he is speaking to himself in a dark cell. Saying the words out loud in any form is terrifying for him and the way he has chosen is particularly embarrassing and something he would deny until his dying day. Especially to his brother.

“There is this really cheesy Christmas song. I want you to find it and give it a listen. I had the damn thing stuck in my head for weeks and I guess I want you to feel my pain here. Heh.

It’s by a singer called Mariah Carey. The song is called ‘All I want for Christmas is You’. Don’t you dare laugh at me for saying this. Not that you would. Thing is Cas, Mariah hit the nail on the head here. Because um… that’s what I want too, Cas. You I mean, in every sappy chick flick way the song means.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “I dunno man maybe these four walls are making me go a bit crazy but its Christmas and I guess I feel like being honest for once. You’re it for me man. I mean that. So break me the hell out of here and perhaps we can work on... that. Right.”

Dean buries his face in his hands. Reeling in his own embarrassment. He sighs and lets his body slump back against the cold brick wall.

“Merry Christmas Cas.” He says.

………….

Back in the Bunker Castiel sits alone. The silence continues to be deafening. No word from Sam. No word from Dean. Not a single prayer. He buries his face in despair, feeling the tears form in his eyes. He succumbs to them, completely at a loss for what to do. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Don't worry we all know that they are reunited in 12x09!
> 
> Please do leave me comments, I don't write nearly often enough and your comments will be writer fuel for me. Also please come say hi to me on tumblr (http://bluestar86.tumblr.com/)
> 
> FYI - I am British and this story is unbeta'd. Any "Britishisms" are my own fault. Sorry I don't write in American English - Though you may note I conformed and used the American 'Mom' *shudder*. Lol. 
> 
> Also I have no idea if they actually get blizzards in Kansas. They do in this story. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year!


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